Monday, June 25, 2007

More Asian Library Online

I found Sarai the South Asia Resource Access on the Internet Online Library while looking at some other things and I wanted to link it and share it with anyone interested. These are great Academic resources. I wish more people would use them as well as use the internet for learning. Some of the good things on this site are; Library links, Reference Tools, Bibliographic Resources, E-Journals, E-News, E-Books, E-Images (Online Image Archives), e-Text Collections, the International Directory of South Asia Scholars and South Asia Resources by Country: Bangladesh, Bhutan, India, Maldives, South AsiaRegional, Nepal, Pakistan, Sri Lanka and Tibet. It also covers South Asia(n) Resources by Organization and much much more.

Learn Urdu in Your Spare Time!

Is a great place to go if you are interested in learning a few of the languages from India. This site is the Digital South Asian Library from Chicago University. That link takes you to the listing scroll down to Pedagogical books for language instruction and there you will see the listing for two volumes of text teaching you the beautiful Urdu language. It is a highly poetic and therefor romantic language. I don't speak any Urdu but I enjoy Urdu songs and poems greatly. This list also contains books to teach you Oriya and Bengali. I have saved the best for last. It also features a text to teach Telugu which is also an important artistic language in India. The area where Telugu is spoken is the birthplace of the most beautiful art form of Indian dance, Kuchipudi. So if you think you want to learn some fabulous dancing Telugu would be worth looking at and learning a few key words and phrases.

I'll write more about Kuchipudi later!

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Food for Maggots

I am not okay, I don't think I am going to be okay, I am just not happy. Smiling feels like a lie, laughing just makes the tears come out in a more acceptable format. I hate my life, I hate the world. I am tired.

The boredom is driving me insane, I don't think I fit in anywhere, and I don't feel like I belong anywhere, there are times when I just can't function or try to pretend that everything around me is okay. All these insane people trying to label everyone else crazy or insane, it makes me sick.

The sheer insanity of boredom, loneliness, isolation and sin is enough to weigh heavily down upon anyone that isn't strong enough to bare it. I can bare it, but it's a burden that i did not ask for and a gift i can't use. Being aware of everything around you is like being trapped in groundhog's day but each day gets a little bit more demented than the day before. Things that should make you happy, or make you okay only serve as constant reminders of your inability to control anything around you, that this world is run by something that is so alien and different from you that if it can't make you just like it, it will seek to destroy you.

I'm going to keep fighting but I am getting very tired and worse yet I am getting weaker. This is a battle we all fight, and fight it alone we must, the warriors standing around you on the battlefield are also fighting demons that only they can see. How long is it before we become a demon to fight for the next person. We get inside of each other too deeply and then we retreat and withdraw when the other says or does something we don't like, how many times can a heart heal from betrayal, from the vicious cycle of abuse, from the torture of love and hate, from stress too great for one soul to bare?

My heart hangs like a small, withered, dying thing beating in my chest, weakly like the last few flutters of a butterflies wings before it passes on to the next plane. My blood flowing thick and polluted through my veins like sewage untreated yet slowly being added to over and over again. The cleaning system broken and infested with living things whose only thought in life is to reproduce and feed. The decaying flesh they feed upon is me and I lack the will to heal and be clean and new and fresh.

Tomorrow will be another day and i'll wake up and I'll feel better or I won't, and i'll find some small pleasure in a book on some dusty shelf that has been long neglected. I'll remember that somewhere in my soul it knows that I am the daughter of a King, and that I live in his kingdom, and I suffer by choice and not by birth alone.

I'll remember,

I'll remember to breath.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Menu Planning a relationship!

* Andromeda sets up a small luncheon table with a pretty lace table cloth
* Andromeda plans her lunch menu
E.:whatcha have in mind today
Andromeda:i did chicken salad sandwiches
Andromeda:butter cookies, lemonade and fruit yesterday
Andromeda:so today i'll have fruit
E.:sounds yummy
Andromeda:maybe i'll serve yesterdays menu again and just add some more to it
* E.nods
Andromeda:um.. lets see... chocolate chip cookies with pecans, strawberry or cherry lemonade, peach iced tea
Andromeda:what would go well with the waldorf chicken salad sandwiches....
E.:what's in season locally?
Andromeda:no idea.. strawberry i think
Andromeda:raspberry and blueberry
E.:now those would all be good accompaniment
Andromeda:yeah... added to the chicken salad sandwich.. or a blueberry, strawberry, raspberry topped cheesecake?
E.:either or both lol
Andromeda:which would make me not serve the cut up fruit and add maybe a potato salad or something
Andromeda:so now i still need another dish
Andromeda:menu planning, can be so difficult.. i'd like a class in it.. oh wait.. my bad that was 45 years ago
E.:lol Andromeda:i got it Friend, raisin and carrot cole slaw
Andromeda:it's light and healthy
E.:that is yummy too
* Andromeda smiles
B.: That sounds good
Andromeda:it only took 27 minutes to plan one lunch
Andromeda:god have mercy on me when i have to do it everyday
B.: but was it a quality lunch?
Andromeda:um.. it will be
E.:maybe it will get quicker
E.:as you practice
Andromeda:the menu so far is a blueberry, strawberry, raspberry topped cheesecake, chocolate chip cookies with pecans, strawberry or cherry lemonade, peach iced tea, and waldorf chicken salad sandwiches
Andromeda:i'll practice a lot
B.: Sounds great
S.: I like the way you think, Andromeda...dessert comes first on the menu :)
Andromeda:that way i can also learn to know what i need to shop for and when... as well as pay attention to seasonal foods
* Andromeda smiles
B.: a special occasion Andromeda?
Andromeda:well in the summer everything is served in small portions so why not
Andromeda:was thinking about the fact that when Mattias comes to visit it will be summer and i may have my own apartment.. so I've been playing around with what lunches I want to do with him and stuff
Andromeda:breakfast we do together or he does it :P and dinner... that's kinda simple, lot's of Thai and Indian and stuff.. it's cheap and we can dine in or do carry out
B.: You're really planning things out :)
* Andromeda nods
Andromeda:yeah, I think a lot...
Andromeda:and i want out time together to be the best.. while dating, while courting and eventually if we get married, while married
Andromeda:that means ironing out problems now and learning how to communicate
Andromeda:i'm kinda sucking at that atm
Andromeda:but i refuse to give up :P
Andromeda:i think that a relationship is like a job in that you have to work at it to get what you want
then privately...
B.: Hon, anybody who puts that much thought into planning a lunch hardly qualifies as "sucking" Mattias's a lucky guy :)
* Andromeda huggles B.:
* B.: hugs you back and smiles
B.: it's serious then?
* B.: smiles.. happy for you
B.: congrats hon
Andromeda:thanks very much!
Andromeda:that's if i can stop aggravating him
Andromeda:i seem to be really good at it
B.: eh, don't worry about it
B.: that's one of the signs... if they aggravate you and you still love 'em, it's right

Thursday, June 7, 2007

Weather and Unintended Pregnancies

Is it just me or is it hotter all over the world today? I don't know if it's global warming or not
but I do know that it feels like there is increased gravity due to both the humidity and the wind pressure building towards the impending storm. It's supposed to start in a little over 3 hours and last for 8 hours.

In looking for the weather forecast I found a deeply disturbing article.

I no longer understand the world around me. If you do not educate your children, especially your daughters about sex, but you send them to school and you allow them to watch television, wear the latest fashion and make-up, do you really expect them to not be introduced to sex by the age of 10? We live in a highly sexualized culture, you have to educate your children so that they have knowledge about what they can and can't do, why they should and shouldn't and most importantly so that they know what and how you feel about the issue.

Educating your child about sex is the best form of prevention. Go to the library and get a copy of a human sexuality textbook and let them see the pictures of what different STD's look like, and talk to them about AIDS, HIV and Herpes and so on. Would you like your first talk with your 12 year old to be about how she is avoiding sexual situations, or her confessing she isn't feeling well to find that she is pregnant and infected?

I understand that many don't want to talk about sex because they have issues when it comes to sex, but relationships often run amok because parents don't talk to their children about what to and not to do.

That brings up the situation that most people encounter sex in, dating. If more fathers talked to their daughters about how a man is supposed to treat a women, female domestic abuse would almost disappear. (Unless of course your dad is one of the bad guys and hits your mother, then don't listen to him too much, enough to not get yourself hit, and then get away as soon as you are able.... college is a great escape from family issues of all kinds... go to college. Can't wait that long, call a relative you trust, now.) If mothers and fathers talk honestly with their children about their relationships and how they felt and what happened and is currently happening, it would save a lot of heartbreak and repeated misery.